


Possible Regret

by coffeenebula



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Making Love, Oral Sex, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 20:33:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18612019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeenebula/pseuds/coffeenebula
Summary: Dr. Zimmerman has had feelings for Barclay since the two started working on the EMH project together. Now, he finally gets to act on them. (Takes place before the events of Voyager)





	1. Part One: How Things Changed

“So when do you plan on going back to your quarters?” Dr. Zimmerman asked the man sitting at his desk, his tone doing nothing to hide his feelings of annoyance.

“Wha- O- Oh, I’m sorry, Dr. Z...” Barclay muttered, stumbling on his words as usual. “I- I’ll be out of here s- soon, sir! I- I promise...”

Dr. Zimmerman sighed. He appreciated that his colleague shared his enthusiasm for holograms and was dedicated to his work, bit he realized quickly that his helper can become somewhat addicted to his work. Dr. Z was worried about Barclay’s health; after all, he was a vital member of the EMH project and his programming skills were necessary to shape the personality subroutines for the future holographic doctors. Besides, he preferred nobody be in his lab while he was in his quarters, since his quarters were attached to the lab and anyone could hear what was going on inside...

He glanced over at the clock that read “2330” and looked back at Barclay. He stood up from his chair and watched over his shoulders, trying to pressure him into leaving. He glances down at the table where his friend was working at and couldn’t help but notice the bulge in his pants. 

“I- I promise I’ll g- go home after I- uh, resolve this error...” Barclay mumbles, frantically trying to figure out where he messed up.

“Right there,” Dr. Zimmerman said, pointing to a relatively simple line of coding. “You forgot to close the command.”

“Oh! Th- Thank you... I-"

“It’s a beginner’s mistake, Reg,” He smirked as he watched Barclay tense up, being called by his first name. “You obviously have something else on your mind... Tell me, what is it?” He pats his back as he waits for a response. Barclay kept his mouth shut, embarrassed. “Perhaps it has something to do with this thing...”

Barclay jumped when he felt his advisor’s hand touch his leg. He jerked his head back and looked up at him, his face all red. “I- I’m sorry- No, I mean, th- this is hardly a- uh...” He hid his face with his hands. “It- It shouldn’t be getting in the way of my- my work…”

“It’s completely normal, nothing to be sorry about. I won’t judge you.” Dr. Z smiled. “Besides, you shouldn’t be working this late anyways. You’re too tired to focus on some boring codes and that’s probably where your mistakes are coming from…” He knew that he should continue on by telling him to hurry off to his quarters, maybe even encourage him to please himself before he goes to bed, yet he said nothing of the sort. Instead, he said quietly, “I can help you with that erection of yours.”

The two of them froze and sat in an awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity. The doctor realized immediately that he had to have made his colleague uncomfortable, and that he shouldn’t have said anything. He watched Barclay sit there, face covered, and festered in his fears over his now ruined friendship. Of course, his… sexual feelings towards him were nothing new; he loved seeing how flustered Barclay always was, and he would often imagine how cute it would be see him all squirmish in bed… Of course, he had considered telling his friend about his feelings on multiple occasions. But he didn’t want it to be so abrupt, and definitely not like he just did.

Finally, Barclay spoke up, breaking the silence: “...Is- is that appropriate…? As co-workers…? As friends…?”

“Why not? It doesn’t really matter in the end, does it…” Zimmerman looked up and pulled his friend’s hands away from his face. “But what do you want? I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable or hurt you.”

“D-Dr. Z, why do you sound so- uh, serious?” Reg asked, turning his head away. “You- you’re not acting like- like yourself…”

“Because this is obviously a serious issue!” Dr. Zimmerman snapped. “Can’t you tell? I’m in love with you, and I really want to have sex… No, not even that. I just want to feel close to you, Reg. I want to be more than colleagues, more than friends with you…” He looks down at Barclay, watching him shift his body awkwardly.

“... Uh, I- Yes, you can.” Barclay muttered. “You can uh, do it, I mean. Do the thing-”

Before Reg could say any more, Dr. Z had leaned over and kissed him on the lips. He quickly pulled away, leaving the two facing each other, blushing. The older man then kneeled down in front of the other, grinning the entire time.

“Are you absolutely sure…?” Zimmerman asked again. Barclay nodded.

Dr. Z pulled his friend’s pants and underwear down at the same time, just enough to expose his rock-hard cock. Reg once again covered his face in embarrassment, but the doctor didn’t mind. He gently wrapped his hand around his length and slowly started stroking.

Barclay moaned loudly, gasping and looking up, away from the action. “No… Please, stop… no…”

The other man immediately pulled his hand away. “Oh no… Look, I’m sorry, I should never have brought this up… Here, we can pretend this was a bad dream and move on-”

“No,” Barclay said, “stop a- acting like this… You’re supposed to be- be confident… You’re making me… worry…” He peeked through his fingers and looked down at Dr. Z. “Please, continue…”

He applied his hand on him and continued to stroke him, each one growing a little stronger than the last. He knew that Reg liked it, as he was thrashing his body and groaning in pleasure the entire time. He could feel himself get hard as well, to the point where his penis was pushing up against his underwear and making him extremely uncomfortable. He wished he could push Reg onto the floor and make love to him right then and there, but he knew he had to take things slow. After all, he wasn’t even sure if they had mutual feelings for each other…

Suddenly his mind was forced back into reality when he heard a faint muttering from his friend. “Please…” he begged, “s- softer… You’re pulling too h-hard…”

“Oh, sorry!” Zimmerman said, relaxing his hand a little. He felt terrible and ashamed for putting his friend through this. He sat there, moving his hand up and down his shaft, questioning what in the world he was even doing. Of course, it felt amazing to finally be able to confess his love and become so intimate with another person… but at what cost? After all, it’s only been minutes since he told him about his feelings for him. What if he thought this was all a joke? His comments would reflect that; he was simply being playful and poking fun at his colleague at first. Yet he knew he was serious and could only hope that Reg would understand. But would he? What if he thought he was disgusting for even asking, and was only playing along now to be nice? It was hard to figure out what was going on in his head, and whether he truly felt a certain way or not. 

Zimmerman’s thoughts were interrupted by an especially loud moan. He looked up. Barclay was clutching the armrest, his face bright red and highlighted by beads of sweat. His breathing was shallow and quick.

“Stop, stop, I- I’m going to come-” Before he could say anything more, he jerked his hips up and a warm liquid shot out of his dick onto the doctor’s lab coat and the chair. Dr. Zimmerman let go of him, pleasantly surprised. 

“Here, let me get some tissues…” Dr. Z said, trying to sound calm as he stood up. Barclay, after taking a few deep breaths, looked up at him.

“Oh- Oh I’m so s-sorry!” he exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and pulling up his pants. “It- it’s all over your clothes! A-and the chair…” His gaze drifts down to Dr. Zimmerman’s pants. “You have an e-e-erection too! Oh dear… What am I-”

“Calm down, Reg. It’s not a big deal… I can clean my clothes and the chair. As for me…” he eyes him, looking embarrassed. “I can deal with it myself. You’re overwhelmed right now, and I wouldn’t want to push that on you.” Barclay nodded, and watched quietly as Zimmerman wiped down the chair.

“Uh… Lewis?” Reg said. Dr. Z looked up, obviously surprised to hear his first name. “Thank you…” He smiled.

“Hey, I really enjoyed it too,” Zimmerman said. He tried his best to contain his intense feelings of relief; at least Barclay didn’t seem mad at him. “Perhaps we could do this again…”

“I- I’ll have to uh, think about that…” Reg said. He fiddled with his fingers awkwardly for a minute. “I’m going back to my q-quarters now…” he managed to finally say.

“Well, goodnight Reg,” Dr. Zimmerman said and smiled. He watched as Barclay nodded and scurried out of the lab. He stood there, alone, for a few minutes until he threw the tissues into a trash can and walked back to his quarters. So much happened so quickly, and he had so much to think about, but first he had to relieve himself of the arousal that he allowed himself to build up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from the fact that I will possibly regret posting this.


	2. Part Two: Confrontation

"Oh why did I do that..." Dr. Zimmerman muttered under his breath as he wiped off the cum that was dripping from the tip of his cock down his shaft. It felt so good just moments before, rewinding the events of the night and remembering how he played with Reg and how he shot his semen onto him, but now the doctor just felt disgusted in himself. He sighed and tried to go to sleep, but his mind was filled with remorse. Sure, Barclay had told him that he was okay with what happened, even thanking him for the action, yet he couldn't shake off the feeling that he had violated his body and his trust. He knew it was an inappropriate thing to ask, even more inappropriate to actually give a handjob to his best friend and co-worker. Dr. Z curled up in his bed; he was afraid that he had shattered any hope of them being friends, let alone lovers...

  
He knew he would have to deal with the consequences the next day. Of course, that was based on the assumption that Barclay would even come back. He hated to think that there was a possibility that he would run away, never come back in fear.

  
He didn't want the next morning to come.

——

Dr. Zimmerman took a long sigh of relief when he saw Barclay enter the lab the next morning.

  
"Reg!" Zimmerman yelled, trying to act normal. He tried to say something, but suddenly he couldn't remember what the usual morning routine was. Did he hand him some PADDs that explained the day's worth of work first? Or did he greet him with some snarky remark about his appearance? Perhaps he should simply confront him about what happened, interrogate him and try to understand how he truly feels... No, that would only make it worse. He opted to hand Reg the PADDs, blurting out a summary of what needed to be done. Barclay said nothing as he went and sat down at his usual seat, quickly getting started. Dr. Zimmerman watched him for a while, worried about how he may think of him, and then went back to work.

——

Morning melted into noon, then into afternoon. The two had barely spoken to each other aside from Dr. Zimmerman checking up on Barclay's progress. Zimmerman was getting impatient; it made him feel sick that he still didn't know how his friend felt about their encounter and still had no clue if it had ruined their friendship. He knew it was a selfish thing to think, but he didn't want to lose his only friend.

  
Dr. Z jumped a little when he realized that Barclay was standing right next to him.

  
"Oh, what do you want now?" He said, pretending to be annoyed.

  
"O- oh, I wanted to ask you s- something about this code..." Barclay said, stuttering as usual.

  
"Of course! Yes, I'll do anything to help," Dr. Zimmerman replied with a smile. The two then spent some time revising the personality subroutines, deleting certain characteristics while adding a few more. Dr. Z felt more and more relieved as the conversation went on. It was the first sign of normalcy, and he was glad that they were still able to even maintain a conversation, even if most of it was listening to Barclay trip over his words. He knew he had to ask now; he was feeling confident enough, and he didn't want to spend another night filled with uncertainty.

  
"I- I think we c-can do this," Barclay said, smiling awkwardly. "T-this should work... Yes..."

  
"Of course it will. I came up with it, after all." He took a deep breath and looked up at Barclay. "I hate to interrupt the mood, but we need to talk."

  
He gave Barclay time to think about it. He was fidgeting his fingers even more so than usual, and his face had turned bright red, just like before.

  
"Y- yes?" Barclay finally muttered.

  
“How do you feel about me?” Zimmerman asked. He was preparing himself for the worst; he was okay with their relationship not flourishing into a romantic or sexual one. He just wanted to know if they could still be friends, still work together, but he knew there was a chance that Barclay would want to keep a distance between them, a distance, he felt, that would be well deserved for someone as “dirty” as him.

  
Barclay looked down, seemingly lost in his own dilemma on how he should answer.

  
“W- well,” he mumbled, still not looking up, “I think it was o- obvious, but it felt-” He paused, unsure if he should continue on. “It felt g-good, Lewis... B- but I think I w-wish that you, uh...” He let his words trail off, and he hid his face, apparently not wanting to say any more out of embarrassment.

  
“Come on, spit it out,” Dr. Z said, sounding desperate. He was anxious to hear what came after.

  
“I- I- I wish you could have d-done more...” Reg whispered under his breath, barely audible. Dr. Zimmerman looked at him, not believing what he just heard.  
“Did you just say that you wanted... more?” He asked, unable to hide his shock.

  
“Y-yes,” Barclay said, sounding as confident as an anxiety-ridden man could. He then sat down on a nearby chair and started talking. “I th- thought about it last night and, uh, Y- you were so g- good, better than I i- imagined a man with l- little... experience as you-”

  
Dr. Zimmerman glared at him. “Excuse me, but I’ve certainly had much more experience than you, considering I doubt you’ve ever had sexual contact with a real-” He stopped himself from saying more and cleared his throat. “But please, go on.”

  
“At f- first I thought you did it to get s- some form of s- sexual p- p- pleasure,” he stated, still half-covering his face. Zimmerman sighed. He wasn’t entirely wrong there.  
Barclay continued. “B- but I think I r- realized that- that you did it out of l- l- love... A- after all, you said you wanted to be m- more than friends with me...”

  
“Well, it’s true that I want to be more than friends than you... I want to love you, Reg. Let me love you...” He thought he came off a little too clingy, but he decided not to say anything else.

  
“I- I think I’m okay w- with that...” Reg said quietly.

  
“Then it’s decided,” Dr. Z said, letting his immense relief show through his suddenly cheerful voice. “We’re lovers now.”

  
“L- lovers?”

  
“Yes, lovers.” Dr. Zimmerman leaned over and wrapped his arms around Reg. His body seemed tense, almost resisting of the touch at first, but he seemed to gradually warm up to the hug. He pushed his body closer, resting one knee on the chair between Reg’s legs.

  
“You said you wanted me to do more, right?” Zimmerman asked. Barclay nodded softly, still seeming a little discomforted by the new sensations. Dr. Z grabbed his face and gave him a good, long kiss on the lips. After a few seconds, he pushed him away.

  
“B- But this, this is the l- lab...” Reg muttered.

  
“So?”

  
“I- I don’t want to g- get caught like, uh, th- this…”

  
“Oh, really?” Dr. Zimmerman backed off of him. “Fine, I guess we can go to my quarters.”

  
“Wh- What!” Barclay exclaimed. “B- but Dr. Z, we have w- work to finish, too, and I n- need to code-"

  
“That can come later,” he said, smirking. “Besides, do you really plan on working when your body is craving for my touch?” He hated how cocky he was sounding, but he knew nothing would move forward if he didn’t take initiative. Barclay just grunted in agreement.

  
Zimmerman helped Barclay up from his chair and gently guided him to his quarters. His instinct was telling him to rip of his lover’s clothes and make love with him right then and there, but he knew he had to take it slow; he was dealing with a quite delicate man, after all.

  
“Computer, lock the doors to my quarters,” he ordered. He then looked Barclay in the face. “Tell me if you get too uncomfortable, or want to stop. I don’t want to force anything onto you.” Reg nodded and took a deep breath.

  
Dr. Zimmerman pulled the younger man in for a kiss. They had trouble figuring out the timing and remembering to breathe at first, but they finally managed to penetrate each other’s mouth. He could feel Reg’s soft moans on his tongue. They pulled away from each other a few seconds later, panting.

  
“Is it okay if I start unclothing you?” the doctor asked quietly. Again, his lover nodded in approval. He unzipped his jacket and pushed it off of his body. He looked up and saw that Reg’s face was bright red, and his face was turned away.

  
“Are you sure you want to do this…?” Zimmerman asked again, pulling his hands away.

  
“Y- yes…” Barclay replied.

  
“Then put your hands up,” Dr. Z ordered, grinning. “I need to take off that shirt too.” Reg complied, and soon enough the long-sleeved shirt was on the ground along with the jacket. Zimmerman took a moment to admire the figure standing in front of him. For an introverted holo-addict, Barclay’s body had a nice build and he was extremely fit. It was obvious, even through the thick undershirt, that his nipples were hard. Dr. Z leaned over and tenderly kissed his neck. He was pleasantly surprised when Reg grabbed his back to help him keep steady, as his body started trembling from the sensations.

  
“Reg,” Dr. Zimmerman whispered, “get on the bed… It’ll help you.” Barclay did as he was told and lay down on the bed, keeping his legs dangled over the edge. Dr. Z proceeded to help take his shoes off. He looked up. Reg had covered his eyes with one arm, and was softly gripping the sheets with his free hand. His body seemed all tensed up, almost as if he was getting ready to be beaten up rather than spending time becoming intimate with another person. Zimmerman climbed up on top of him, kissing his cheek and lips softly and rubbing his chest.

  
“Take a deep breath,” he said calmly. “I’m not going to hurt you… I just want to make sure you have a good time.” He could tell that Reg was slowly getting more comfortable as he loosened his grip and peeked his eyes out from under his arm. Dr. Z smiled at him and pushed his undershirt up and out of the way. He quickly busied himself, leaning over and licking one of his nipples. He heard a low moan from his partner. He continued licking, playing with the other nipple using his fingers. He suddenly felt a hand grab onto his shoulder and push him away. He looked up, confused.

  
“L- Lewis,” Barclay mumbled with tears forming in his eyes, “the s- sensation, it’s too much…” Dr. Zimmerman nodded and backed off. He couldn’t help but notice the express on his partner’s face. He seemed… afraid. He tried to shake off the feeling that perhaps Barclay never wanted this to happen and he was only doing it to please his friend.  
“Let’s take a little break from you, then,” he said as he stood up and kicked his shoes off. “I can undress a little in the meantime… If you want me to, of course.” He was surprised when Reg, instead of nodding, sat up and helped him get his lab coat off. He smiled. He continued on, taking off the jacket, then the shirt and the undershirt until Zimmerman was left completely topless. He could tell Reg was excited by what he saw; he had a full-on erection, visible through the pants that he was wearing.

  
“Let’s do something about that, shall we?” Dr. Zimmerman said playfully as he tugged on his lover’s pants. Reg lifted his hip and allowed for his pants and underwear to slip off, revealing his hard penis. Dr. Z wrapped his hand around the shaft and slowly pulled down his foreskin, revealing a bright pink head with a slit dripping with pre-cum. He slowly started pumping his hand as he kneeled down and kisses the tip of the cock. Barclay’s breathing became quicker and more shallow, and he gripped tightly onto the sheets and curled his toes. Zimmerman watched him for a little bit before engulfing the head with his mouth.

  
“Lewis! Oh… P- please, that’s a- a lot to t- take in…” Reg muttered helplessly before letting out a load moan. Dr. Z continued, feeling a little more relaxed. He was glad that he seemed to be enjoying the new feelings now. He decided hat what happened earlier was Reg simply trying to get used to the idea of sex, but becoming confused by the emotional and physical stimulation. Yes, that was the best explanation that he had… He took his free hand and gently massaged his lover’s balls. He heard a moan, so he continued playing around with his body.

  
Zimmerman could tell that Reg was getting close when his body started to tense up and his testicles were drawn closer to his body, but he noticed that his lover wasn’t very vocal about it. Sure, he was groaning in pleasure, but he didn’t actually say much… Unusual, he thought, but he didn’t mind at this point. He was just happy to even be able to do this. Dr. Z continued sucking on Reg’s tip, encouraging him to let go and allow himself to orgasm.

  
It worked. A few seconds later, his mouth was filled with hot cum, and Reg was gasping for air, murmuring something under his breath and his body slightly trembling. He tried his best to swallow the liquid despite its bitterness and sheer amount, managing to keep most of it inside of him. He pulled back and wiped his mouth.

  
“Reg, how are you feeling?” Dr. Zimmerman asked quietly. Barclay lay there thinking for a moment as he tried to catch his breath.

  
“I- I’m okay...” he whispered. Zimmerman smiled and went to lay down next to him on the bed. He could tell that Barclay had turned his attention towards the bulge in his pants.

  
“You don’t have to help if you don’t want to,” Dr. Z said calmly, trying to hide the fact that he was desperate for his lover’s touch. “I can handle this alone.” He stripped the rest of his clothes off, freeing is throbbing dick. He held his cock in his hand and started stroking it. He looked over at Reg; he was watching curiously, until suddenly he reached his hand out and grabbed the doctor’s length, matching his stroking motion.

  
“Reg...?” Zimmerman mumbled through his moans. “Oh, Reg, that feels good...” He tried to articulate his pleasure more, but all that came out was a low groan. He let his hand go and allowed his partner to take over. His strokes were noticeably less forceful than what the doctor was used to, but he didn’t care. The fact that it was Barclay that was jerking him off was enough to nearly send him over the edge. He tried to control himself so that he could last as long as possible, but he gave up the attempt after a few more strokes. It felt good, almost too good to be real.

  
“I’m going to come...!” Dr. Z stated. Barclay nodded and continued to gently stroke him. After one loud, sharp moan, his semen shot out of him in several spurts, landing on his stomach. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down and relax his body. Barclay looked at him, blushing, and blurted out an apology.

  
“It’s okay. No need to say sorry for my... natural responses. Let me go get a washcloth.” Zimmerman said and sat up. Reg sat up too, scooping up some of the white liquid and licking it with his finger. He winced and coughed a little, making the older man chuckle. “It takes some getting used to, Reg.”

  
“Y- you make it s-seem, uh, easy...” Reg muttered. Dr. Z leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before standing up and stumbling into the bathroom. He grabbed a towel and started cleaning himself. He looked up at the mirror; his face had turned all red, and he was visibly sweaty. He was a mess physically, but he he felt great about himself. Reg seemed much more relaxed and open to the idea of them being lovers towards the end of the session, and it was such a relief to know that he wasn’t scarred by the events of the previous night. He smiled at himself, grabbed another washcloth for his lover, and headed back to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this conversation with a friend while writing this, but don't you think circumcisions would be extremely rare in the future? I mean, I've only heard of it being a common thing in Northern America (mainly the US), and considering that a) it's mainly done for religious reasons and b) it's considered inhumane by many U.N. countries I'd think it would pretty much not be a thing by the 24th century unless for medical reasons. You'd think this would come up a little more when talking about sex in Star Trek, but whatever...


	3. Part Three: Deprivation

Dr. Zimmerman was struggling to keep himself sane. He and Barclay had been working almost almost non-stop with barely any sleep for the past two weeks. Starfleet headquarters suddenly decided that they wanted the Emergency Medical Hologram done within the next two months when they had told them before they still had an additional six months. They said something about wanting newer ships to be better prepared for battle with the Marquis situation getting out of hand, but the holoprogrammer didn’t care about the excuse. He just needed to focus on getting the project done.

  
“D- Dr. Z! Oh, y- you look t- t- terrible!” Reg exclaimed when he walked past him to get another cup of coffee.

  
“You don’t look much better either, but at least I’m not always this bad-looking,” Dr. Zimmerman snapped. Even though they had started a relationship based on love, somehow he couldn’t resist making sarcastic comments every time they spent time with each other. It was engraved in his personality. 

  
“You- You know what I’m t- talking about...” Barclay muttered. “P- please, get some r- rest...” 

  
“I would if I could! You and I both need more rest, but we have to get the EMH ready so it can be used to fight in some puny rebellion that Starfleet let get out of hand,” he stated, visibly upset. The lack of sleep was making him much more irritable than usual, but he didn’t have the strength to stay calm. 

  
“W- well, yes, but y- you’re in a worse c- condition...” Reg mumbled. “D- don’t make me o- order you to s- sleep!”

  
“Oh, how cute, trying to order me around. Have you forgotten that I’m the boss of this lab?” Zimmerman responded. At this point he didn’t understand why he was so resistant of the offer... He couldn’t deny that a few more hours of sleep sounded wonderful.

  
“I- I can claim m- medical reasons-” Reg said, stuttering as usual. 

  
“You know only a doctor can do that, right?” Dr. Z replied and sighed. “But I’ll accept the offer under one condition.”

  
“Oh, um.. wh- what is it?” Barclay questioned. 

  
“You’ve got to get some rest too.”   
  
——   
  
Over the past few months, Barclay had become much more comfortable with physical contact. He was still quite sensitive, but he was okay with a surprise hug from time to time and didn’t blush as much when he was being kissed. The two would hold hands as they worked from time to time. Sex wasn’t as uncomfortable for him as before either, and he even initiated a few times when he saw that his lover was aroused... They were still limited to manual and oral contact, but neither of them minded. They always ended up satisfied by the end of the session. He seemed to enjoy the doctor’s company. 

  
Zimmerman sighed as he lay on the sofa in the lab. All of that changed two weeks ago, and now they barely communicated outside of what was necessary for work. In fact, neither of them did much outside of work. They would take short breaks late at night to go to their own quarters and drop to sleep until early next morning, where they repeated the cycle. Spending time together was off of the table, much less have any sort of intimacy. 

  
He could hear Reg working away on one of the computers. They had agreed to take turns getting rest, and Dr. Zimmerman decided he could sleep in the lab in case Reg needed help with something. He wanted to continue on working, but he couldn’t resist the urge to close his eyes, and almost immediately he fell asleep.   
  
——   
  
Dr. Zimmerman’s mind was floating somewhere in a dreamy state when his consciousness was suddenly yanked back into reality. He felt a strange yet somewhat familiar sensation grow in the lower region of his body, making him involuntarily groan. It felt good for a moment before he realized that his groin was awkwardly warm and sticky. He lifted his head up, and his face turned bright red when he finally registered what happened. 

  
He had a wet dream. He was shocked; he hadn’t had one in years, and he thought it only happened to adolescences who weren’t quite sexually active yet and were too naive to masturbate. It took him a moment to realize that he should have expected something like this to happen, considering he hasn’t had sex lately and didn’t have time to relieve himself of his own sexual desires. He noticed the wet spot growing on his pants and tried to cover it up with his lab coat. He looked up and jumped a little when he saw Barclay looking back at him.

  
“Uh... A- are you okay?” he asked, fumbling around his fingers. 

  
“Yes, I’m fine,” Zimmerman grumbled. “Go back to work, Reg. I’ll be back in a few minutes...” He waited for his partner to go sit in front of a computer, but he kept standing there, awkwardly watching him. He finally gave up waiting and stood up, covering the cum stain on his pants with his coat. He rushed to his quarters and plopped himself on the bed, kicking off everything he was wearing the lower half of his body. He lay there, half naked and on the verge of breaking down. He knew there was no way he could have controlled his body since it was a natural reaction, yet he felt so embarrassed. He picked up a washcloth from the floor and wiped off his now soft cock.

  
He didn’t need the reminder that he was physically unsatisfied. His work was important to him, and he wouldn’t abandon his project for anything, but he felt that the cost was much higher than he expected. It wasn’t fair that Starfleet Headquarters was suddenly changing the deadline, and it wasn’t right that he had to pay for it by sacrificing his and his co-worker’s health. He thought about how Reg must feel; perhaps he was just as frustrated as he was. Dr. Zimmerman wanted to barge into the lab and fuck him right then and there. He was desperate for his touch. He wished they could forget about their obligations just for one night and actually spend time together, as a couple. It upset him that, of course,  he would never be able to do that, at least while they were finishing up the project.

  
He stood up, grabbed a new pair of pants and quickly slipped them on. He had to get back to work, hopefully so he could get his work over with soon enough. He walked out into the lab, trying to seem calm.

  
“Oh, uh, Dr. Z,” Barclay said as he looked up, “H- how are you d- doing?”

  
“I could be doing better,” Zimmerman responded. He wrapped his arms around his  lover, pulling him in closer as he whispered into his ear. “Reg, once this is all over, I want to make love to you. Rough, passionate love… If you want to, of course. ” Barclay gently reached under his lab coat and hugged him back, nodding in approval of the proposal. The two of them stood there, enjoying each other’s company for the brief moment before they had to get back to work.

“I love you, Reg…” Dr. Zimmerman muttered as he pulled away. Barclay quickly sat down at his desk, continuing to check over the program and making slight edits to the EMH’s personality. Dr. Z grinned as he went back to his own seat and looked over at the codes coating his computer screen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once had a wet dream in my organic chemistry class. I blame it on the teacher having a nice, comfy sofa in the classroom that we were allowed to lay on during class and naturally I fell asleep and then woke up because I was having an orgasm. It's the second most embarrassing thing to happen in that class. Most embarrassing was getting a 10 on a quiz.


	4. Part Four: Satisfaction

“Reg… Reg, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Dr. Zimmerman asked, breathing heavily as he sat on the bed completely naked.

“I- I’m sure…” Barclay replied, his voice sounding softer than usual. He rested his legs up on top of his partner’s shoulders, allowing him to have better access to his body. “C- come in me, Lewis…”

The weeks after they had completed the EMH had been just as hectic as the weeks before. It was almost as if the two were dealing with a newborn baby rather than a computer program; Dr. Zimmerman would be called to Starfleet Headquarters several times a week to create the procedures on installing the program, and Barclay was left behind at the lab to deal with reports of errors coming in, desperately trying to make last-minute fixes. It wasn’t until the past few days that the reports died down and the rest of the work was handed off to the engineers at Utopia Planitia and on the individual ships. Now, after months of grueling work, the two were able to spend time together. Earlier in the evening they went out to the café to eat together, discussing recent events around the station, having a little argument over the treatment of holograms, and talking about each other’s past. When they got back to the lab, Dr. Zimmerman asked if he could fulfill the promise they made all those weeks ago. Barclay, as usual, nodded in approval.

What the doctor had not anticipated was how enthusiastic his lover was once they were in the bedroom. He was much more involved in getting their clothes off and would initiate their kisses more than he ever had before. What surprised him the most, though, was that Reg, even through all of his stuttering and embarrassment, had managed to beg for him for penetrative sex. He had even brought his own bottle of lube (Zimmerman laughed: “You could have replicated that in my quarters!”). Soon enough all of their clothes had come off and they were in bed, facing each other and eager to start.

“I’m going to put a finger in first,” Dr. Z stated calmly, trying to help Barclay relax a little more. “If you get in too much pain, tell me. I don’t want to hurt you… Besides, a trip to sickbay because of this probably wouldn’t be any fun at all.” He poured some of the lube onto his fingers as he shifted his body closer to him. He gently pressed a finger up to his lover’s opening.

“Reg, take a deep breath,” the older man ordered. “It’ll make it less painful for you.” Reg complied, and soon enough Dr. Zimmerman was able to slide a finger into him. He heard a yelp and stopped. “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” Reg shook his head, so he continued pushing the finger into him. They stayed like that for a minute or so, with Zimmerman gently rubbing his partner’s insides. He was impressed; Barclay had obviously been preparing himself for this. 

“Can I put another finger in you…?” He questioned, poking the opening with another finger. Reg nodded. Zimmerman easily slid in another finger, and slowly started stretching his opening. He had to prepare the younger man for something much thicker to enter him.

“Lewis… Y- you can just p- put it in, if you w- want…” Reg mumbled. “I- I know you need to be p- pleased, too…” 

“We’re not skipping foreplay,” Dr. Zimmerman growled. “Do you understand what the consequences of trying to force in something like a penis into an unprepared asshole? It would be extremely painful, not to mention dangerous because of how easy diseases could enter your bloodstream…” He leaned over and gently kissed his forehead. “Reg, my pleasure can wait… I’m doing this to make sure you’re safe and you have a fun time too.” He pushed another finger into his partner, massaging the interior until he heard a sharp moan and saw Barclay’s cock twitch. 

“Ah, I think I’ve found your prostate…” Dr. Z said under his breath. He continued rubbing the area, teasing Barclay until he slipped his fingers out. He didn’t want to make his partner climax now and miss out on the excitement later. Reg whimpered, his body begging for more attention. The doctor took a copious amount of lube and rubbed it all over his throbbing dick, taking some more to once again apply to his lover’s opening.

“Let me be completely clear,” Zimmerman said with a serious look. “You have to tell me if you get too uncomfortable or it gets too painful… This will only feel good if you’re relaxed and your body allows me in you. Now…” He moved his body so their bodies could be better aligned and he guided his penis towards the opening. “... Can I join with you?”

“Y- yes, please…” Barclay responded, panting. “I- I would like it if you, uh, f- filled me u- up…” Those words were almost enough to send Dr. Zimmerman over the edge, but he managed to keep his juices inside for the time being. He glided himself in, letting out a moan. Reg was also moaning, clutching the sheets and gasping for air. Then the older man started to rock his hips back and forth, thrusting himself into his lover. It was one thing to receive a handjob; feeling their bodies combine and allowing them to be so vulnerable was completely different. Feeling his cock plunge into a warm, slightly tight passage with his lover groaning and closing his eyes in pleasure sent pulses of intense satisfaction up to his brain, making him addicted to the sensation and craving for more. Perhaps it had to do with the primal instinct of needing to copulate, a necessity for keeping the species alive. Yet, over billions of years of evolution it had become more than simply a mechanism for survival. The two were thrashing around in bed, confirming each other’s love. It was an act of affection and trust, not some imitation of sexual intercorse and reproduction. 

“L- Lewis, please s- slow down…” Reg begged. “I- I’m not ready to be so r- rough yet…” Zimmerman snapped back into reality and slowed down his movements. He looked down. It was an impressive sight, as his penis was half inserted into his lover’s stretched and welcoming opening. He noticed that pre-cum was oozing out of Reg’s cock. He wrapped his hand around it, caressing it and stroking it slowly. Barclay squalled and looked up at him, his eyes all teared up from the sensations filling his mind. 

“Reg, oh, you feel good,” Dr. Z moaned. He was pushing and pulling his cock inside at a regular rhythm now, and his hand was jerking his partner off. He could feel Barclay’s body tense up, and his breathing became more shallow and quick. They were both struggling with articulating words; Reg was trying to say something, but Zimmerman couldn’t understand him. 

“Reg- Are you close to coming…?” he asked, forcing the words out of him through his hard breaths. He didn’t need a verbal answer; Reg’s body responded very clearly. He groaned loudly, and cum shot out of his dick in large, steady spurts. His hips jerked forward involuntarily. His breathing was irratic. Dr. Zimmerman grinned as he looked down at how flustered his lover was and continued thrusting. He could feel himself getting close to an orgasm.

“I’m going to finish inside of you…” Zimmerman stated. Barclay nodded softly, and muttered something about needing him so badly. His mind suddenly felt clouded, and all he could think about was thrusting himself as deep as he could into his partner before finally ejaculating. He pumped his warm liquid into Reg, feeling his cock pulsating against the tight passage. It took him a moment to recover from the overwhelming physical sensastions, and he pulled out as soon as he could move him body again. 

He looked down at the mess the two had created. They were both covered in sweat, faces bright red. Reg had drops of cum spread across his stomach, with even more of the white goo dripping out of his opening and onto the sheets. Dr. Z picked up the towel they had prepared and tenderly wiped the cum and sweat off of his stomach. He then moved on to wipe his opening clean, pushing his legs open a little more and leaning down to inspect it. He was relieved to see there wasn’t any blood and didn’t seem to be damaged from the penetration. He dropped the towel on the floor and lay himself down on the bed next to Barclay. They looked at each other, and Dr. Z smiled. He wrapped his arms around his lover and sighed in relief.

“L- Lewis?” Reg mumbled. “That f- felt good…” He pushed his face into the older man’s chest, looking embarrassed as usual. 

“Perhaps we could do it again when you’re up to it,” Zimmerman responded. “For now, we both should sleep… I know I’m tired from all of that.” He could already feel himself drifting off to sleep. He took one good look at Reg. Their bodies were so close to each other, just as he had hoped would happen someday. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

For the first time in years, he truly felt happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being longer than my research paper I spent six months writing. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I care about fictional characters having sex more than whatever bullshit Malcolm Gladwell wants to spew at me.


End file.
